This Is A Stick Up
says the radical priest to the man in the bear costume: ‘Give me everything you’ve got’ and the man in the bear costume quickly explains he does not have pockets. ‘Okay then give me that bear costume’ says the radical priest, and the man takes off the costume and becomes a regular naked guy. He starts to shiver. So the radical priest says ‘Here’ and offers the man his discarded collar and cassock and shoes. The man says ‘Thank you, my son.’ Puts on the clothes. And what do you know? Soon enough, this priest and this bear are walking together on the nearby forest trail, picking up suspect twigs along the way. At some point the handgun gets tossed into a stream.
This professor found love in the arms of an ice core sample. He had been awarded a grant to go and pick around in the cold for a while. Drilled from two miles straight down in a Greenland sheet, the ice core sample came up to him all cool. Inside, the sample had archived the single crystal ball eye of a wooly mammoth. The sample had the purple feet of a neanderthal. So when the grant money expired, this professor brought his love back to university, and they lived happily there. Till one day he walked into the living room and found a puddle of stale meat. Then he fell head over heels again–– called after the escaping million-year-old air, chased it down the sidewalk. This professor, he was falling in love all the time.
EVAN NICHOLLS is from the peach, fox, horse and wine country of Fauquier County, Virginia. He has work appearing or forthcoming in Hobart, DIAGRAM and Third Coast, among others. He tweets at @nicholls_evan. Find more of his work at evannichollswrites.wordpress.com.